Nursing

Those of you who do not know me well, or even at all. I would like to thank you for reading this, and listening to my story. 

I am in the pursuit of becoming a nurse. Right now, I have not applied to a program, and do not know if I will become a nurse through the BIOLA, my univeristy. I hope to God I do, and am doing everything in my power to become a nurse. 

I have realized that modt love movies are about things romantic; poets, writers, aspiring actresses, architects, etc. I was thinking about it today, and realized I cannot recall a love story about a nurse. 

I began thinking maybe it's because there's nothing "romantic" about being a nurse. I wouldn't classify eating a lunch of popcorn and diet coke whilst poring over the different structures of proteins, what I'm currently doing, necessarily "romantic" by definition. 

However, the more I thought about it, nursing is incredibly romantic. Not the type of romance like Jack and Rose, or Gatsby or Daisy, or even Elizabeth and Darcy. 

It is the romance of helping people at their most vulenerable. It is the consistency and stability that I love about nursing. It's about the marriage of being a humanitarian and a scientist. 

The quote that makes poring over proteins, and ingesting diet coke and popcorn as a meal for the third time this week more bearable is by Florence Nightingale: 

Nursing is an art;
and if it is to be made an art,
it requires as exclusive a devotion,
as hard a preparation,
as any painter's or sculptor's work;

for what is the having to do with
dead canvas or cold marble,
compared with having to do with the
living body - the temple of God's spirit?

It is one of the Fine Arts;
I had almost said
the finest of the Fine Arts

- Florence Nightingale

Captain Hook

I am like a five year old. I L-O-V-E Disney, fairytales, and glitter. Lots of glitter. ;) And when I say I love Disneyland, it's like this. I bought my pass on a Friday, and went that Friday, Sunday, and that Tuesday. Heck, I had already paid for my pass within a week. ;)

So naturally, I have my copy of Grimm's and watch ABC's 'Once Upon a Time.' If you don't watch it, the first season is on Netflix, and it is fantastic. In last night's episode, Captain Hook said something that caught my attention, "A man unwilling to fight for what he wants, deserves what he gets."

Okay, time for the Jesus card. Today in Old Testament, my professor was talking about how God has a plan, and He's going to do everything He wants in it. It's usually in different ways than we expect, but it gets done. Sometimes when God puts mountains to climb in front of us, we run. Sometimes when God wants to bless us with a friendship, or a relationship, or a new job; it's scary and we run.

It is only ourselves who we are hurting when this happens. God's going to do what He wants to, but we may miss out on lessons and blessings. And sometimes God's mountain in front of us is just for us to wait. To wait, and to pray. To pray for God's will, and our peace with whatever that is.

Wait & Pray.

Re-Blog

Holler. Mad props man.

http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001750.cfm

Have you ever heard the fairytale about the princess in shining armor? You know the story. She crosses an ocean, slays a dragon and rescues the man she loves?

Wait. You've never heard that one?

OK, neither have I.

Why? Because fairytales are always the other way around — the man fights for the woman. He takes the risks. He battles the beast. He pursues her.

Now I realize that fairytales are stereotypical, admittedly even a little sexist. But they do contain a measure of truth. These whimsical tales we learn as children mirror a deep-seated longing in the soul of every man and woman.

This article isn't about fairytales. I bring them up only to highlight what I see as a growing problem in the church: young Christian men unable (or unwilling) to actively pursue a potential spouse. Rather than saddling up the proverbial steed, many guys seem to be languishing in the tower, waiting for their princesses to stumble upon them.

If that's you, then I have some no-nonsense advice: It's time to man-up and take the lead in the romance department. And don't hide behind the whole too-holy-for-love façade. When you meet "the one," pursuing her with all your heart is the most spiritual thing you can possibly do.

Let me explain.

Recently I was talking to a godly, attractive and single woman. She was exasperated.

"What's wrong with Christian guys?" she asked me. "They never go after you!"

She was getting plenty of attention from men outside the church, yet the guys at her congregation seemed reluctant to be much more than friends.

A few weeks earlier I had received an email from a young man looking for advice. His questions echoed the problem I'd heard lamented from the other side of the gender divide. My interlocutor was plagued with, what seemed to him, insoluble questions: Should he date a woman from church? If so, how could he be sure he was going for God and not girls? And what if things didn't work out? Would he be able to go back?

Talk about over thinking it!

Those are just two anecdotes, but they reflect a larger trend. In her new bookWhere Have All The Good Men Gone? A.J. Kiesling reports her findings from an in-depth survey of 120 single Christian women. What was their most common complaint about men? Kiesling reports: "Over and over I heard the words, 'I wish men would step up to the plate and take a risk in asking me out.'"

Here is feedback that Kiesling received directly from real-world single Christian women about Christian men.

"God didn't create you to be passive. Pursuit seems to be obsolete, but we still want to be pursued."

"It seems like men aren't willing to take the risk of asking a woman out, since they don't have to anymore. There are plenty of women who will chase them, yet I won't. I want them to pursue me."

"Quit saying, 'I'm waiting on God to bring me my future mate.' What a cop-out! You're scared, and you're afraid of being hurt or rejected and — gasp! — you might be tempted to have sex!"

So why are Christian men not stepping up to the plate? What's behind this trend? I think there are at least a couple of factors.

First, our increasingly politically correct culture tells guys that women have equal responsibility when it comes to initiating the relationship. These days women are encouraged to be more aggressive while men risk appearing domineering if they get the ball rolling.

But here's the rub. While such political correctness is peddled in higher education and the media, it usually doesn't apply in the real world, where women still appreciate a man with the gumption and guts to make the first move. Kiesling writes, "The world may have moved on, become hip and high-tech and politically correct, but old-fashioned values persist in our very make-up." Part of that make-up is a desire to be pursued. There are ways that women can encourage men to initiate a relationship, but that's a topic that Boundless has already covered well in "What Can a Girl Do?"

The second factor is even more pervasive and hazardous to single Christian guys. An exaggerated sense of spiritual propriety can also prevent relationships from forming. I've met a lot of guys who seem to equate romantic passivity with spiritual superiority. In these cases the thinking goes something like this: If I wait and pray patiently, God will drop a woman right into my lap.

Such guys could use some advice from my 88-year-old grandfather. He might seem like an unlikely source of dating wisdom, but he gave me a talk during my single days that I think every Christian guy needs to hear.

My grandfather is a retired pastor. Most of his time he spends deep in prayer with a huge King James Bible splayed open on his lap. When he broached the topic of women with me, I wasn't sure where he'd go. Would he urge caution? Exhort purity? Instead he pointed to a verse that I knew well, Proverbs 18:22: "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord."

I knew finding a wife was a good thing. Was he trying to rub it in that I was still single?

No, he was pointing out that the verse implied that I had a responsibility in making it happen.

His mouth turned up at one edge.

"Find," he pointed out, "is a verb."

Lesson learned.

When I met my future wife, I knew it was my responsibility to initiate the relationship even though I was scared to death to make the first move. I still remember showing up at her doorstep with flowers in my trembling hands.

I believe it's the man's responsibility to initiate the relationship. But that statement comes with some serious qualifiers. Though it is the guy's job to pursue, that does not negate God's role. God is still the best matchmaker. We should never rush into relationships by running roughshod over the leading of His Spirit. Only after prayer and careful consideration should we proceed.

It's equally important that we be sensitive in reading women's signals. Women want us to be proactive, but when the romantic feelings are not mutual, being aggressive is not cool — it's creepy. If your advances receive chilly receptions, do not soldier on. Doing so will likely only fortify — not wear down — her defenses. Back off and behave like a brother. Once you've made your intentions clear, the ball is in her court. She'll let you know if her feelings change.

But if you're one of the myriad men sitting on the fence too scared or too "spiritual" to pursue a woman, it may be time to man-up and make a move. I know taking risks can be daunting. But often the most rewarding journeys begin with uneasy and faltering steps.

God created you to be a pursuer. So next time God brings a godly woman into your life, don't sit around twiddling your thumbs. The love of your life could be passing you by.

Be More Like the Man You Were Made to Be

Be who God made you to be.

He gave YOU specific talents, interests, tastes, and oppurtunities than me.

He has a plan specifically for YOU.

He wants the best for YOU. Because He loves YOU.

He doesn't want you to be a man, or a woman just to be.

He wants you to be a man or a woman after Him.

Find yourself in Him.

Learn who you are in Christ.

Follow Him.

Find a church, find fellowship, find friends who love God too.

He designed you for a specific function, a cog in a huge machine of humanity through history and you have the ability to help put it all in motion.

We can love Him, because He first loved us.

The Israelites

So I've been reading through Numbers for my Old Testament class and most of Numbers is about how the Israelites were blessed by God in the desert, then complained, then were cursed, then repented and were blessed again.

My professor warned us to not think too lowly of them. Upon startng this book, I wanted to beg different. I was thinking "Good Lord, here they go again, whining wbout manna, whining that they have no meat, whining that it's hot, whining, whining, whining."

Until I realized I am just like them.

I am a child of the Lord, and am very blessed. My life is far from perfect, as am I, but I tend to whine about the same things. God comforts me, and sets me straight, and I whine again. I tend to have the Gideon mentality, where he put out the fleece and asked the Lord if the fleece was wet, and the ground underneath was dry, that he would believe God. God did this. So Gideon, then asked the Lord if the ground was wet, and the fleece was dry that he would believe God. Again, the Lord answered his requests.

I am so stubborn, and ask the Lord repeatedly what to do, and when He answers, I doubt. When I doubt, and He answers again, I'm still skeptical. This happens until I repent, and then when something happens that wasn't in my plan, or that isn't in my timeframe, I whine, and whine, and whine.

So, I am a) learning to not be like the Israelites and b) be more compassionate when I'm reading about them, because I'm a whiner too.

Roald Dahl

Is to this day one of my favorite authors. This quote comes from The Twits if memory serves me correctly. :) I agree with this statement to the utmost, as well as its juxtaposition. I have seen scores of beautiful people who have ugly souls, and it's almost as if the souls corrode the natural beauty.

Moses

So for my Old Testament class, I have a week to read the book of Exodus and write an extensive paper on it. C'est la vie. I've read  through the book before, but everytime I reread Scripture, I believe there's something new I a) haven't seen, b) couldn't be applied in a previous season or c) just never understood.

I noticed something that I haven't seen before. I always thought of Moses kinda as this mighty guy plowing through the desert for many years, and had this gnarly beard, super weathered and tan by the heat, and kinda this Einstein hair do going on.

But I just went through Exodus 6 and saw Moses as a younger man, okay 83 but still young-ish ;), and he's kinda a hot mess. God showed up to this kid in a burning bush and totally commanded Him to free the Hebrews, and Moses saw all these signs that the Lord was powerful and mighty; God gave Moses leprosy, and took it away. The burning bush did not phsyically burn itself, on and on. And Moses is commissioned to go on behalf of the Lord, but in 6:12, 30 Moses says the same thing "Behold, I am of uncircumcised lips. How will Pharaoh listen to me?"

Okay, there's a few things to unpack here. First, Moses was uncircumcised. In Genesis, the Lord made a covenant with Abraham saying to circumcise the males on the eighth day, so as to show they belonged to the Lord. Now, we know Moses was brought up by the Pharaoh and he wasn't sent off until about three months old (Ex. 2:2) and he wasn't circumcised. He was already in hiding, so it may be his parents were not practicing Jews, or they were partially practicing, or they just didn't want to draw attention to themselves. Anyways, God used someone uncircumcised, which was a big deal back in the day. Also, Moses has the confidence of a jr. high girl when he's flipping 83 years old. Lastly, he is arguing with the Lord of Lords about going.

So onwards and upwards to application:
-Moses was a hot mess, who had some serious self-doubts and worries.
-Moses didn't necessarily have the traditional "qualifications" that other Hebrew people had.
-Moses had a sketchy criminal record (Ex 2:11-12)
-Moses found answers to his self doubt in the Lord (Ex 7:1-8)

Now, looking at the track record. Moses had it just about as together as I do, which is not much. But the Lord threw away the conventionality of what people may think of a servant of the Lord as, and used someone who was willing, hesitant, but willing. God could have done it Himself and just used Pegasus to arilift the children of Israel to the promised land, or He could have used angels who wouldn't have wrestled with God, but God used hot mess, stuttering, unconfident Moses.

There's a Christian cliche of "God does not call the equipped, He equips the called." But the more and more I dig into the Bible, I realize that these heroes of the faith were just as jacked-up, pock-marked, and messed up as I am. They had their self-doubts, their worries, whatever junk was in their trunk, but they were willing.

I know God has a plan for me, and I'm trying to prepare my heart so if He calls me beyond my comfort zone, I am ready to respond.

And then Moses threw the tablets to the ground. No really, he did (Ex. 32:19) ;) 

Watch below if you don't get the joke. :) 

Psyche & Eros

Psyche&Eros is one of my favorite myths, it literally translates to heart and soul. 

I am in a Biblical Interpretation & Spiritual Formation class. It's a fancy way to say the point of the class is  to discover the best way to study the Bible and commentaries, and how to work with the sanctification process. 

This week, we had a class with dual topics. Many people may think they are not intertwined, but especially after this week I beg to differ. The topics were of the heart and of the mind. 

The mind focused on how we believe what we believe, and how our actions show if we truly believe what we say we do. The heart focused on how the Bible says our hearts are in their natural state. 

Some things the Bible says about the heart: 

-It guides our lives (Proverbs 4:23) 

-It is deceitfully wicked (Jeremiah 17:19) 

-We are to trust the Lord with all of it (Proverbs 3:5-6) 

One of the most interesting things I read was by J.P. Moreland I believe, and it said loosely, "The heart controls the life, but our minds control our hearts." 

I think sometimes we get fluttered into the Disney whims of "Follow your heart." Don't get me wrong, I love my Disney, but the Bible is saying our hearts are wicked. 

What the learned men I was gleaning wisdom from were saying is Trust your heart, BUT take your mind with you.

When logos and pathos are intertwined, they become intrepid. There is a balance to everything, and logos and pathos are no different. 

Sometimes we need a new perspective; I'm mostly black and white, but I love talking to people who are more gray. I'm more logos weighted, but some people I love dearly are more pathos weighted. And we compliment each other, them giving me passion, and heart; and I giving them more reason. 

Contentment

"Godliness with contentment is great gain." 1 Timothy 6:6


Reminding myself the grass isn't always greener.

Careful.

Best Friend, Broken Dreams, and Duct Tape Bibles

I have a group of best friends, several people who I trust with pretty much information. My oldest friend from this group is one of my favorite people on this planet. We became friends when I was thirteen, and she was fourteen.

We met in the Jr. High room at church, when I complimented her duct tape Bible. It was seriously the coolest thing ever! The next week, she was in my Friday night Bible study and we hit it off. In these past 6, almost 7 years, despite time, distance, dropped phone calls, she has remained my best friend. 

She can always call my bluff, and knows when I'm lying to look strong. She's gorgeous, and I swear has Mother Theresa's heart. 

Tonight, she came over for tea and we were discussing how we have broken dreams. Things that we wished would have turned out different. Different circumstances, variables, really just licking our wounds. After a bit of that, we bucked up, sat up, and encouraged each other. That really, things work out. That really, even in the midst of confusion, life is still beautiful. That ultimately, we have God, who will work it out to His glory-Amen, Hallelujah! And we have each other, to cry with, to laugh with, to be completely honest without judgement, to cherish. Until things work out, we have each other to encourage. 

It may seem like a happy go lucky post, but she encouraged me to not focus on the little things, but the big things. Because in the whole scheme of life, the flat tire, the wedding that got rained on, the class you couldn't get into really doesn't matter. 

In the end, it really comes down to how you served God, and if you were loved, and loved. And if you have one good friend, you are truly blessed. Photo Circa 2009. 

Star Light

      Star light, star bright,

The first star I see tonight;

I wish I may, I wish I might,

Have the wish I wish tonight

45 Life Lessons From A Dying Old Woman With No Reason to Lie.

45 Life Lessons From A Dying Old Woman With No Reason to Lie.

                           

1.       Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2.       When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3.       Life is too short to waste time hating anyone…

4.       Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick.  Your friends and parents will.  Stay in touch.

5.       Pay off your credit cards every month.

6.       You don’t have to win every argument.  Agree to disagree.

7.       Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8.       It’s OK to get angry with God.  He can take it.

9.       Save for retirement starting with your first pay cheque.

10.     When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11.     Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12.     It’s OK to let your children see you cry..

13.     Don’t compare your life to others.  You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14.     If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15.     Everything can change in the blink of an eye.  But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16.     Take a deep breath.  It calms the mind.

17.     Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

18.     Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19.     It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.  But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20.     When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21.     Burn the candles, use the nice sheets and wear the fancy lingerie.  Don’t save it for a special occasion,  today is special.

22.     Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23.     Be eccentric now.  Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24.     The most important sex organ is the brain.

25.     No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26.     Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’

27.     Always choose life.

28.     Forgive everyone everything.

29.     What other people think of you is none of your business.

30.     Time heals almost everything.  Give time.

31.     However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32.     Don’t take yourself so seriously.  No one else does.

33.     Believe in miracles.

34..     God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35.     Don’t audit life.  Show up and make the most of it now.

36.     Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

 37.     Your children get only one childhood.

38.     All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39.     Get outside every day.  Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40.     If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

41.     Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42.     The best is yet to come.

43.     No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44.     Yield.

45.     Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.”

http://theburiedlife.tumblr.com/post/26883892511/45-life-lessons-from-a-dying-old-woman-with-no-reason

Stream of Consciousness

Time

Tick Tock

Calendars Leaves Fall

Pages are turned and chapters are written

The moon waxes and wanes

And I sit here and wait

And wait

And wait

"But, Daddy, I want it now"

I am answered only by the clock

Tick Tock

Tick Tock

Tick Tock

I am learning to be content

Because after all,

Darling,

It's all about timing.

"It should be my hand

that is holding yours through the

adventure of life."

-Tyler Knott Gregson 

Shel

What?

It seems like people always are asking me something with what heading up a sentence.
"You recently graduated, what do you want to do?"
"What are you doing for college?"
"What's your major? What do you want to do with that?"
"What do you do for work?"
You get the picture.

Something something I was thinking of recently was when all is said and done, what do I want from life?

The answer may be cliche; but in its simplest, purest, and most primitive state, I want to be loved and to have loved.

Not just the mushy gushy love we see on Valentine's Day cards for one another (however one day I do want that. ;))

I mean different types of love. Francis Chan put it best when he said, "Do you know that nothing you do in this life will ever matter, unless it is about loving God and loving the people he has made?” 


I want the passionate radical love between me and my Creator, Savior, Lover of my Soul, Jesus Christ.


I want a love between me and a man as servants to Jesus Christ, then to each other to grow and do life together. 


I want a family's love supporting me and I them. To help, to encourage, to build. 


I want a community and to enrich its growth. 


This all may seem very "romantic" to some, very basic to others, and just dumb to the rest. 


But I ask you, if everything were stripped away, what would you wish you had done differently? I don't think I would have wished I sent that tweet, or instagrammed one last picture. Yes, you've probably all heard something along the lines of this before. Twitter, Facebook, etc. in themselves are not bad, the problem is when we allow them to consume us, they become simply, parasites. 


I do not have "grand plans" for my life that many others to, I do not aspire to become famous, I have no real "great talent." But I have the desire to love. 


I want to make a small impact, or a large impact; be it a smile, or a CPR rescue, I want to love my God and His people. It won't be easy, but now I have a goal, ambiguous as it may be, I am one step closer to reaching it. 

Kauai

My family and I finally took the vacation we have been talking about taking for as long as I can remember.

We arrived two days ago, and the island is absolutely breathtaking. The vastness of the ocean overwhelms and confounds the senses. The mountains rise out of the earth showing how nature has been unadultered by human hands. The nature exists as part of the island, and has not been contained or diminshed by human hands.

One thing I've noticed about the island life is how radically different the pace of life is. There is only one main highway around the island, and things move at their own pace. Coming from life just outside LA, and coming from a major that requires many hours of studying, this is very strange for me. However, I am taking this vacation as oppurtunity to not plan, but simply just to be. To be content with where I am and taking time to enjoy nature and the people I am with. I am not running to answer my e-mails or text messages, but to stop, wade into the water, and to just breathe.

I have taken, and am trying to take time to just sit outside, breathe, pray, and just spend time with God, and to simply enjoy just being.

In its Time

Frustrating.

The limbo of life's yellow light.

Should I stay

Or should I go? 

The breeze that flirts playfully

Enticing you to take a leap of faith

As you teeter on the cliff of contemplation. 

Once that leap is leapt 

In that instance absent of anything 

Remember

Everything is beautiful in its own time. 

It's All About Jesus

I've checked out this awesome church, Mars Hill, off and on for the past few months. The pastor speaks radical, undiluted biblical truth and is incredibly encouraging. While I haven't taken the plunge and called this church "home," I find encouragement for the teachings, and the people when I do visit. I mention this, because the church's "motto" or main focus is "It's all about Jesus."

As a Christian, or even as an athiest looking in, one would think "Duh. It's a church, of course it's about Jesus."

But I am slowly realizing Jesus is freakin' everything.

He is the good doctor who heals.
He is the love I need.
He is patient and kind.
He is a friend to the friendless.
He is a bulwark, sturdy and comforting.
He is everything.

He is needed in a marriage. A marriage represents Christ's relationship with the church.
He is needed in medicine. He is the good doctor who created our intricate bodies.
He is a soujourner to people who are hurting, having been betrayed.

I have been raised in a Christian home, church and now attend BIOLA University. However, I have at times become weary in my faith, and weary in heart. At time, I have even become apathetic really thinking if this whole faith thing is a joke. I say this in complete honesty.

Then I realize, without Jesus, I have nothing.
Truly.
When I skip a Bible reading or two, I notice it right away.
He gives me patience and kindness (admittidely, not as much as I should have.)
He listens and gives me words of advice and comfort.

I have mused on the old (and overplayed song) where the lyrics go as the following:

When the music fades
And all is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless your heart
I'm coming back to the heart of worship

I am really re-realizing it truly is all about Jesus, and should my heart and flesh fail, God is my portion forever. I have m identity in Christ.

I have been apathetic and weary, but I am trying to push myself back to Christ into His marvelous light into His love that is deep, the love that is wide, the love that covers me.

Because after all, it is all about Jesus.

C.S. Lewis

I have a crush on you.

"I'm ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don't accept His claim to be God." That is the one thing we must not say. A man who said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic--on a level with the man who says he is a poached egg--or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse. You can shut Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to." Mere Christianity

Wowza

Atheism turns out to be too simple. If the whole universe has no meaning we should never have found out that it has no meaning. -C.S. Lewis