Beauty

Often, when I think of beauty. I think of something complex.
Like Van Gough's starry night (my favorite painting.) Van Gough used oil paints in a painstaking process to layer paint on itself to create textur eand dimesion. (For non-artists, oil paint takes a LONG time to dry! Trust!)

Sometimes I hear really intricate stories of how someone asked someone out to a dance, proposals, elaborate birthday parties, etc.

I took art last year, and it really opened my eyes. I was taught how to break down "complex" items (say a face) and break it down into shapes I'm familiar with - oval, triangle, rectangle, and so on.

This process of breaking down taught me the beauty of simplicity.

Some of my favorites...
The beauty of a friend texting me telling me to have a good day.
The beauty of someone picking a single wildflower for me on a walk.
The beauty of a laugh.
The beauty of sunshine.
The beauty of rain.
The beauty of an apology.
The beauty of old books.
The beauty of love.
The beauty of grace.

Call me corny, (I know I am) but I LOVE it. And while I still love my Van Gough painting, I'm learning to embrace simplicity.

What are the simple things YOU adore?

Application

Application. August. Alliteration.

Wisdom vs. Knowledge. Although these two often coincide, I've learned there is a stark difference between the two.

Knowledge is factual information.

Wisdom is the application of these facts.

This past month, has honestly not been the best. There have been many aspects to this shroud, and without delving into said aspects, I wish to explain and to show the effect.

I've never liked August, I don't like the heat of August, school quietly approaching, plants wilting.

This August has called for application. Which is a lot less fun than it sounds.

I guess you can say I have knowledge. I've always had a knack for memorizing things, facts pop easily into memory.

But wisdom is a is a different matter. This month I discovered the wonderful sensation of applying facts to my life.

A huge part of this is being still.

A man staring into a pool with a ripple will see nothing, but if he waits, the pool will still and he will see himself.

If you don't know me, I'm kinda a guru of multi-tasking, I clean my room while talking on the phone, or listening to a bible study. I paint my nails while watching a movie. At school, I take hard classes.

I feel if I am still, I waste time.

The Lord has been showing me radically otherwise. I am literally forced to wait on him and see what he has. Paul had a smiliar (but much holier) realization of this.

II Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Shakespeare

While most girls read Twilight at 13, I read Shakespeare.

Okay, it's a half truth. I read one when I was 13. And I read it because I saw 'She's the Man.' The 21st century take on Twelfth Night complete with the one and only Amanda Bynes.

But that experience led into a domino affect into Shakespeare, I have read all of his works, but a handful. I have gleaned some of his quotes and writings, which has helped me in literature classes, as well as on Jeopardy! =)

One that has been close to me for a while is quoted by Brutus while deliberating about the murder of Caesar,

"Not that I love Caesar less, but that I love Rome more."

Not only is this an immaculate representation of antithesis, but it speaks about things God takes away from me.

Not that I love these things less, but that I love the will of God more.

Mulan

Mulan came out when I was in Kindergarten, and I thought she was the bee's knees.

Dude, come on a pretty girl by day, a ninja warrior by night? Super cool.

One of the best quotes from the movie is said by the emporer,

"A single grain of rice can tip the scale. One man may be the difference."

Yesterday at church, my Senior Pastor made a point saying if Paul, if Moses, if Esther, is Ruth, if Christ didn't do what they were called to do, where would the world be?

Paul may have never spread Christianity to Europe or Asia.
Moses may have left Israelites in Egypt.
Esther may have let people be killed.
Ruth wouldn't have married Boaz whose geneology includes King David.
Jesus would have left the world in sin.

What is God calling me to do in life?
How do I do it?

I am challenging myself to do whatever Christ has called me no matter what.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not holy.
But I am willing.

That's what I got from Mulan. =)

Proverbial Puke

To those of you...to any of you who read my blog.

First off, thank you for taking time out of your life to read this.
Secondly, you may remember I recently mentioned James has been really my book of the Summer.

Tonight, Bianca Juarez finished her 6 week study of 'The Scandalous Message of James.'

I was estactic to go to the series, first because I look up to Bianca through podcasts and teachings and her blog so much. She always makes me want to keep running for Jesus, and I imitate her as she imitates Christ.

Second, because I love bible studies, and this was my first "grown-up" bible study- if you will.

I soon learned I was to have my booty kicked. Like a serious whooping from this book.

Even though I've only listened to 3 weeks, (the other weeks I've been away-but I downloaded them, and will listen to them!) I have been radically challenged.

Tonight the resounding theme of patience and testing throughout James 5 struck me.
He speaks of farmers waiting for their crops to plant (ironic, see the post below), and verse 8 speaks of ESTABLISHING YOUR HEART. Another translation says "take courage."

C.S. Lewis said "Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at its turning point."

How am I to apply this to my life?
The opposite of courage is not fear, it is indifference.

I must be courageous, and do things I would normally not. In this,
I must stop apathy.

I was talking to a friend recently about how I am different at church than at home.

At church, I'm bubbly and loud, and outgoing. And at home, I'm usually most of these things, but I can be moody, tempestuous, and downright vile.

Footnote: I have not had a "bad" upbringing. My parents are still married. My dad has a job. My life is pretty overall "good." I am truly a blessed lady.

But everyone still has problems. I still deal with battles with the scale, with sarcasm out of my mouth, pride, etc.

What a wretched woman I am! I do the things I wish not to do. The things I wish to do, I don't do!

James annialated me tonight, it was truly standing before a mirror. Suddenly, I couldn't bear my reflection of my facade any longer. I went running back to Jesus Christ, where He reminded me of His love.

I felt ashamed, exposed, naked as I recorded this in my journal and to my blog. Bianca had a great point. She said "When our Savior was on the cross. He had a loin cloth. Think of how exposed he was."

Christ was literally exposed. I am figuratively exposed. But I just tooky a tiny step of courage.

As James 5:16 says, "Confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed."


If you have confessions, leave them here and I will pray. Pinky promise!

Thank you, that's all my proverbial puke for now. =)

PS Check out Bianca's Blog... http://blog.inthenameoflove.org/


PSS I love quotes, and here's a good one of St Augustine! "The confession of evil works is the first beginning of good works."

On Being a Fake Mexican

I consider myself to be Hispanic...
But I am a horrible Mexican.

I hate salsa.
I hate ranchero music.
I have never taken a Spanish class in my life.

Yet I still talk in Spanglish that I've picked up.
I still listen to some popular Spanish music.
I love Chicano fiction.

As a true nerd, I still have several of my favorite children's books.

One of my favorite growing up was Esperanza Rising by Pam Munoz Ryan.
The story is of a wealthy farmer's daughter, Esperanza, who is spoiled and is forced through situations in her life to come to America and become a manual laborer.

Esperanza's father passes away, but before he does he pulled her out to his field. Esperanza's urging for the un-ripened fruit led her father to tell her the theme of the book,

"Augántate tantito y la fruta caerá en tu mano."

Wait a little while and the fruit will fall into your hand.

I am HORRIBLE with patience.

Many times, I don't understand why things are the way they are.

Currently, I am at a crossroads of life decisions seeking direction, and figuratively awaiting my fruit.

The bible tenderly reminds me about God that "He has made everything beautiful in its time" Ecclesiastes 3:11

And for now, I must wait.

Epic Failure

No matter how holy I attempt to be, it seems I always fail.
And not just any type of fail, but rather...

An Epic Fail.

One of my biggest downfalls is trust. I am very good at keeping little secrets to myself. I have spent years and years perfecting the art of faking the funk. The idea was to fake the funk so someone would not take advantage of my pain, and use it against me.

An opposite reaction occured, I began to kill myself with becoming literally emotionally constipated.

This year has been stretching for me in this aspect. I have become more open. I have had to make myself cry too people, to open to people. And to my suprise, they never hurt me.

I became so fixated on what people could potentially do, I cowered in fear for years.

I am a work in progress-but as a shy little flower, I am learning to open. draft 9:22:00 AM by manda panda Delete
Edit View

James

The book of James.

If this book were a fitness guru, it would be Jillian Michaels.

The book is little, like Jillian.
So you think you're safe, and they can't do damage.

For those of you who have ever seen the Biggest Loser, you know this mentality is wrong.

James is like a spiritual marathon, it takes you through so many aspects in life.

For me, James has been my book of the Summer.
Not intentionally, it just so happened.

I began reading James in June for personal devotions.
In July I began to go to a bible study through James.
The college and career group at my church, Revive ,
began to read through it as a group in addition to our devo's.

I don't know why this has come up so much, I am trusting in the Lord to show me something radical through this book.

The end. =)