Bargains and Investments

I pride myself on being able to find a sale. I swear that magic is contained in a thrift store. If you have time, patience, and a little luck, you can find so many treasures.

I have lately been thinking of investments. I used to think Payless heels were the same as designer heels. Cute, high, whatever.

But lately, there has been a battle in my mind.

Bargains vs. Investments.

When I was in jr. high, my feet could take the cheap high heels, now I can't wear them, they are too painful. I am seeing expensive shoes as an invstment. In a way deeper than shoes, I am viewing things in life asa bargain and an investment.

Hanging out with friends at Disneyland could be an emotional bargain, but a night a church may be an investment.

To me, there is a time and place for investing, and bargaining. Example: Good high heels are classy, will never go out of fashion, and won't hurt your feet. =)

Confusing Ingredient

Have you ever made something to eat and put something a little bit unexpected in it, but it made it awesome?

Exhibit A: Sweet Tamales. Last year I made tamales for the first time. I never expected masa (ground corn) mixed with raisins, brown sugar and cranberries to taste so heavenly. I kinda expected to taste like a very confused barbeque.

Now throw this into the mix of daily life. Has something ever happened where you're beating yourself up for something you messed up?

God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise 1 Corinthians 1:27 (ESV)

Story of my life.

The other day, a friend divulged a story to me about how she was confused with a friendship in her life, and I literally went through the same thing roughly a year ago. It blew my mind, because I always thought I was an idiot with the way I handled things. It was amazing, because we were able to compare situations, I was able to tell her how God used it in my life, and gave her advice on what to do.

I didn't feel like such a knuckle head afterwards. It was the unexpected ingredient in the recipe. I thought I was still going to feel dumb.

Yes, the wisest person learns from other people's experiences, but we're all going to screw up due to our earrthly state. The cool thing is God uses that for his glory.

Reason for the Season

With Christmas becoming politically incorrect, I'd like to share one of the raddest things I've ever received on a Christmas card, aside from scripture. It is from Ronald Reagan, dating to December 24, 1981...

"On Christmas, we celebrate the birth of Christ with prayer, feasting, and great merriment. But, most of all, we experience it in our hearts. For, more than just a day, Christmas is a state of mind. It is found throughout the year whenever faith overcomes doubt, hope conquers despair, and love triumphs over hate. It is present when men of any creed bring love and understanding to the hearts of their fellow man...Let us resolve to honor this spirit of Christmas and strive to keep it throughout the year."

Most of us that know Christ are in concordance with the overall theme of this message, however it is a wonderful part of history that should truly encourage each one of us to strive to not only carry a joyful spirit in our hearts, but more importantly, remember the reason for this day, and live it out throughout the year.

Before I Die

I have to see this.

Fwendship

Proverbs 17:17 is like THE verse to put on a card to give to your friend, and for good reasons, it's stinking awesome!

"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."

Okay, I have to brag. I have some of the coolest friends ever. They are seriously the greatest support group God could have supplied me with. For realsies.

The saying goes "you never knew what you had until you lost it." Tha's definitely true. Last night, I saw my best friend for the first time in 5 months. She had been studying abroad in Kauai (tough life-you know ;)). And I full-on tackled her. Notebook status.

And the craziest thing was, it was like no time had past. We were talking in our super loud, (pretend) ghetto voices, talking with our hands flailing in the air, hugging each other, so glad we were reunited (and it feels so good!) ;)

So in light of this, thank you to all my friends. Thank you for letting me be me, and make my sound effects, and carry carrots in my purse, and brush my teeth while we skype. You are all the best, and I know you all got my back. =)

Shadowland

Some people call me dramatic.

Because I make pout faces over a hiccup.
Because I'm over-apologetic.
Because my blood pressure goes up everytime I have a big project/test.
Because if I trip, spill anything, or hurt myself I mumble in my own made-up words. People probably think I'm a schizo.

There are some days where I'd be glad to crawl in a hole and wake up in Heaven. (Kinda dramatic, whatever.)

Heaven has become extremely appealing to me within the last year or so. Believe me, it was before, but now it captivates me. It entices my very prescence.

In Heaven, there will be food-without calories, sunshine coming from Jesus, gardens (I imagine, because God created life in a garden), clear water, peace, love, contentment.

I can't wait to go to Heaven and kick-it with Jesus. I literally want to sit down under a tree with iced tea and mana and just talk.

C.S. Lewis describes in the 'Last Battle' his depiction of Heaven. He thinks earth is merely a "shadowland" of the things that await us in Christ's kingdom. His chararacters recognize their land when they die, but they describe everything as being much more vibrant, having no physical limitations, and only being able to feel joy.

"But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience." -Romans 8:25

I'm excited to get rid of this shadow. =)

Hamster Wheel, and Perservering

Lately, i've felt my life is a continuous cycle. You can reference the blog before this, it says basically the same thing.

Wake up.
Devotion.
School.
Nap.
Gym.
Homework.
Rinse&Repeat.

On Sundays and Wednesdays, there's church in there.
And an occasional hang-out with friends. Usually a study group. You know. Multi-tasking the friends with the studying. ;)

If this were to go on forever, I think I would be sad, pretty darn sad. Because I feel like the hamster I had in 5th grade running on a wheel. Trying desperately to get ahead, to move, to no avail.

Luckily, there is something comforting me;

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven. He has made everything beautiful in its time." -Ecclesiastes 3:1;11

One day, I will
Have a job
Have no more homework
Have a car
Be able to smell the rose more often
Etc.

For know, I am on the hamster wheel, but I am perservering in hope.

My Life

Right now looks something like.

Forgiveness.
Discipline.
Patience.
Attempt.
Failure.
Attempt Again.
Books.
Court Cases.
Gym Shoes.
Prayer.
Homework.
Coffee.

Jesus&Vaccines

Last night I saw a friend who had recently been away on a mission to a third world country. She said she was under the weather, I asked if she got vaccines, and she replied she hadn't. Instinctively I stepped away. I then joked how she may have yellow fever, meningitis, malaria, etc.and I suddenly realized I was vaccinated for many major diseases from third-world countries, after going to a third-world country recently.

I was no longer afraid to share my friend's air. I was not worried about getting some funk in my system. I would not catch any disease anyone would have that I had been vaccinated against. I may get a small taste of it, but after vaccination I would only get a small taste compared to what the disease could normally do.

And BAM! An epiphany hit me.

Jesus is my vaccination against sin.

No, He is NOT sin, but He is the anti-sin.

Even though I still sin, if I keep Jesus fresh in my veins, I am sin-free. I will have sin until the day I die, but if my Jesus is kept up to date, fresh, and healthy, my version of sin would be much smaller if I had never been "vaccinated."

"He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world." 1 John 2:2

With merely accepting Him into my heart, I am instantly covered for eternity. God will no longer see sin in me, He will see His son.

Forgive and Move On

"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:32

The way I've seen forgiveness, it is a potpourri of bitterness, betrayal, admittance, and letting go.

Forgivness is one of the hardest things in the world. Especially when it's something deeper than a misunderstanding. It is human nature to have a bubbling, bowl of bitterness brewing in our hearts. It is interesting, you never really comprehend how much even a small tad of bitterness can envelop the entirety of your being, until it is gone. Until it is forgiven.

Sometimes forgiveness is asked for, sometimes it is not. But I think it is truly one of the wonders of the world. Forgiveness can ease a gnarled heart of anger, and sooth it into something mallable.

I'm not a person who likes to fight. Even as a little kid, I hated fighting. I'll banter with you, tease you, but if you hurt me, I will 9 times out of ten not be mad and yell. I'll tuck it away into my heart where, unfortunately it spreads.

I'm not advocating bitterness by any means, I'm saying it's a part of my flesh I hate and am learning about, and learning to rid myself of.

Especially when I read verses like Ephesians 4:32.

It doesn't mean the person you forgave and you have to be BFF's, but it means we are to love that individual as Christ loves us. We are compelled to love, even if we don't always like. It's going to be a life-long lesson, but I'm a learning.

I am forgiven, therefore I must forgive.

How are ways you have been forgiven?
Whom have you forgiven?

Como se Llama?

"A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold." Proverbs 22:1

When I first read this, I didn't understand the context and was considering changing my name.....

I mean this is a cool verse and all, but to understand it, I had to go deeper.

I learned in a bible study that a person's name was a reflection on a person's character. In the bible study, I also learned that the name for character literally meant an etching out of the person's character. And it is a well-known saying that "character is who you are, when noone is around you." I personally learned that one from those self-motivation posters at school.

One of my favorite cross-references to this is Song of Songs 1:3
"your anointing oils are fragrant; your name is oil poured our, therefore the virgins love you."

I believe this is a literal letter of two people's love. The woman is deighting in how her beloved's name is something fragrant, something other women (presumably her friends, since they are virgins as she is) absolutely love. They delight in it over her.

I was meditating on this, and it's really cool, because these two verses alone show different seasons. Wherever we are in life, we are to have good name, a good character, good reputations, and to be fragrant of Jesus Christ. I need to work on this a lot, I'm going to dish it out and eat it too. ;) But think, what does your "name", your character say about you?

On Measurement

Even though I'm a perfectionist, I don't like measuring things.

I was always the obnoxious kid in geometry who asked what the use of it was. When the teacher said if I ever wanted a hexagonal garden, I'd need it. I'd then make a remark of who'd ever want a hexagonal garden?

There's a great song that has lyrics saying:

"Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife."

There are things that are abstract in life, and things that are tangible.

For instance, 48 hours ago I was on a different continent. The milage was tangible, over 4,000 miles. What was abstract was my communication with me. How did I measure my trip?

I measure it with me finding a place I loved, felt safe, and visited multiple times.
I measure it with the times my dad called to make sure I was feeling better.
I measure it with the texts from my Mom saying she was praying for me.
I measure it with all the world-renowned painting I saw in person.
I measure it with the all the movies I caught up on the plane.
I measure it with the times I was lost in translations.
I measure it with the thanksgivings I had for skype.


These are all more or less abstract. What I know is I cannot measure my blessings. My blessings from God for health, ability, and traveling mercies. My blessings from my parents allowing me to go. My blessings from my friends who prayed for me, kept in touch with me, and asked me about my trip.

Really Digging It

Because it's my blog, I will post 2 consecutive posts that probably have nothing to do with each other.

My first time out of the country without my parents was with my church's youth groups on a mission to Herborn, Germany when I was 13. I fell in love with the language, the people, and the country. I digged it. I loved everything about it.

Being the homeschooler geek I was, (still the geek today,) I decided to learn this foreign tongue. The day after I got home, I went to Costco with my mom and bought Berlitz's German program. I didn't learn much, but started. I went into High School, and continued German. I found it interesting and stuck with it, eventually making it to AP German.

Today was the first time I've been to a German-speaking country since picking up German. I was thrilled to find I can ask where cough drops are in the market, order food, and small talk with the cab driver.

I never thought all those hours of slaving over prepositions, conjugations, and vocabulary a little everyday would pay off like they did.

The point is, I was consistent everyday. I kept chipping away. I've found consistency is the key in many functions of life. Like getting to know someone requires 'x' ammount of consistency, learning to drive, cook, another language requires a certain amount of consistency. I found out that I wasn't necesarily brilliant at German. There were people just as smart, and smarter people who got lower grades than me because they weren't willing to put in effort, or they were willing to pull an all-nighter before a final instead of spreading out that same time over2 weeks.

I've found inconsistent people fail; it doesn't mean you have to make whatever you're aiming for your life goal, but it means you have to be willing to put in a resonable amount of effort over a certain amount of time.

Breaking through the language barrier has inspired me to map out my time better, and really become more focused over things I really dig, the things I desire to pursue.

How the Years Pass

My 9th grade English teacher explained it as having little "hooks" in your brain. The little hooks were things that connected us to vocabulary words, but also as places, people, things, foods, smells, etc.

I was just recently in Paris, France. The last time I was there I was 12 years old. Today I went to the Eiffel Tower, the one I visited 5 years ago. When I had braces, was obsessed with straightening my hair, just finished growing, and didn't wear make-up.

It was while I was climbing the stairs today I've thought of how different my life is from then; I speak another language, I have been to 2 other continents, I have lost friends while gaining others.

I think the Eiffel Tower will be my symbol of change in my life, it is really the only monument I've ever visited twice and can justly compare my different walks of life.

The antithesis of change however, is consistency. I'm very blessed to say my faith, and family have been consistent; a statement that not so many people can make nowadays.

Humpty Dumpty

Generally speaking, I'm a decently put-together person. But sometimes I crash. crash and burn, so the other day I cracked. Like totally cracked. Humpty-Dumpty status. The stress of life, school, plans, were overtaking me.
Those days rarey happen to me, but this one hit like a tornado, causing my life to go even more awry.

The next day or so I read something that collected my body and put me back together. It was my superglue.

"For in him the whole fullness of deity dwells bodily, and you have been filled in him, who is the head of all rule and authority." Colossians 2:9-10

Wow. Okay now read that again.

The entire being of the deity dwells within me? Within ME?! And I have been FILLED.

Well let me tell you something, if I would have known that the day I cracked, I would have clapped my hands and everything would have been peachy keen. ;) Hahah just kidding.

But this verse taught me a lot about perspective. Yeah, I know I talk about perspective and balance like all the time. But in my defense, those are two of the most principle fundamentals of art, if you don't have balance you may have a lot of negative space or it may be really busy; and can't have great perspective, your drawing is going to look a little funky. No offense or anything, but it will..

I get so scrambled so easily, I forget that inside me is something sacred. The God of the universe dwells within me, and I can't trust that He will make everything alright. Even if I crack and all the kings horses and all the kings man can't put me back together again, Jesus can.

American Idioms-not Idiots

Because I'm a hard core nerd, and English would be boring without idioms....My 5th grade teacher always said "Idioms, not idiots!"

An ode to American idioms that get lost in translation, for that we get when foreigners stare at us trying to understand what was said

-My mind is blown

-I slept like a rock

-'86 that...

-Your mom goes to college

-I know it by the book

-My noodle is baked (personal favorite)

-The cat is out of the bag

-Mind your own beeswax

-Don't catch your eggs before they hatch

Gleaning

Gleaning: leftover grain or other produce

In Levitical law times, God commanded the Jewish owner of the fields to leave the corners of the field unharvested, and if anyone should pick grapes from a vineyard, they were to go through only once and leave anything they dropped behind.

This was God's system of welfare and providence for the people that had less than the providers.

I'm going to compare this to a parallel, but I see myself as a gleaner and God as the owner of the field. The way I see it sometimes as the field of God's infinite wisdom and I once in a while will get grapes and barley, which sustain me but I have little compared to the field.

I've been learning of late that God speaks to us in unusual ways. Sometimes, it's a woman telling me her story and then saying "I don't know why I'm saying this" while my mind is reeling through the situation it perfectly applies to. Sometimes it can be a song on the radio that has perfect timing. I'm learning God's ways are smalls ways built into my daily life which I can easily overlook.

One of my personal favorite books is the book of Ruth. Boaz (a wealthy man) provided Ruth ( a poor woman) with barley to sustain her and her mother-in-law abundantly. Ruth had a tore-up past, but she followed YAWEH, and He brought her Boaz (soon to be her husband) to care for her and to redeem her.

Boaz is a parallel of Christ, always ready to be a gentleman and supply our needs, for me it is currently wisdom.


"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." James 1:5

Delta

The winds of change come more often that all of us expect.

I was the kid in math who always asked "Will I ever use this in real life?"

Well, I've still used absolutely none of the theorems, but I have used the Greek geometry taught me...my tutor taught me rise over run was the change of x over the change of y. The shorthand he showed me was DELTA- a Greek letter that was used in calculus for change.

It very soon became my shorthand for change whenever I took notes. Thinking upon it today, I noticed the symbol is in the shape of a triangle. Being the over-analyzer I am, I immediately thought of the Trinity. Three sides all making up a triangle- just in different ways and places.

It's ironic how the sign for change, is so similar to the characteristics of the Trinity. It's absolutely how much can change. I have the notion that God changes things, creates things, for His divine purpose.

Within the past few months, my life has changed a lot. I have gained much, and lost some. It is going to happen. But one thing holds my mind ever fast

'But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him”' -1 Corinthians 2:9

I know no matter how much change may come, I have a divine purpose for my life. And no matter how differently I think things may be, God ultimately has a higher purpose and design for me. And coming to the realization that Christ has something better for you can be the most freeing thing. =)

Cheese-Graters&Jr High

You know when you're thrown out of your comfort zone...The best analogy I can think of is a cheese grater.

Like I'm a block of cheese, Cheese a la Amanda, and when I submit my will, I get grated. It may be painful, slow and tedious, but when it's done, you're left with a scrumptious little treat.

The other night this was kinda what I did.

To understand we'll have to rewind back to Jr High.

In Jr High, I had two awesome leaders (Elyse&Lindsey) that always encouraged me, and really motivated me to become a godly woman. We were close, and I loved them to death. I remember saying when I was 14 that I wouldn't ever want to do Jr High ministry. Jr High was really awesome, but really poopy, and I would not ever go back.... Or so I thought

Fast forward to 2009. I got involved doing 5th/6th grade Children's MInistry, I led a small group as well as worship. But after a few months, something was tugging on me. Something that felt like (God forbid) Jr Highers. I told God I would serve in any other ministry. I made excuse that I didn't love Jr High kids.

God slowly but surely showed me how I needed to be in Jr High, it was a burden that grew with time, along with my love for Jr. Highers.

I am now serving in Jr High, my first event was a girl's bible study on Friday, and when I walked into it, I knew I was where I was supposed to be.

God still wanted to stretch me, I was called out to do worship. (I play a smidge of guitar, and don't sing.) But God had me do it for His glory. Even though I was shaking like a salt shaker with nervousness racking my brain to conjure up old songs I had memorized, I felt God's spirit reassuring me.

God kept telling me He wanted my Abel offering, not my Cain offering. He wanted to put me out of my comfort zone, and now I'm trusting Him, I'm excited even though it's intimidating. All in all, I'm ecstatic about this new season. And on being a block of cheese again. =)

On Being Rapunzel

When I was in jr. high I went through that whole 'mad at the world' stage. So I took it out on my hair. I whacked it off.

When I started high school, my hair was shoulder-length. Now it is mud-back (and mind you, it's curly!)

Just because this has to do with hair, I'm calling myself Rapunzel for the next few paragraphs. =)

It's funny, but I measure my high-school life partially through my hair. The longer and curlier it got, the older and wiser I became. I can look back on pictures, and merely by the length of my hair I know where I was in life.

I naturally think about things a little deeper, and AP classes exemplify the madness. The ends of my hair, he dead frizzy strands are the same ones that were with me when I was a bright-eyed bushy tailed 14 year old.

It's really awesome to see my outer appearance change with what was going on internally. Some things have changed, my hair color, the texture, the length, my grades, the way I see myself, etc.


I love my hair, and how I've been able to grow with it (no pun intended.) ;)

Mum's Advice

I have the best mom in the entire world. Hands down.

She's always there to listen to my A+ triumph, my F woe, my latest funny forwarded text, my worries.

Recently she enlightened me on a saying she remembered from her childhood. It (roughly) went something like:

"Everyone has a cage of birds.
Open the cage, and let them fly.
If they return to yours,
they were always yours."

I think it's supposed to rhyme, but it's aside from the point. "Cast all your anxiety on Him, for He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

Right now, there are a lot of birdies all up in my cage. Worries about college, my future, friends that are distant, etc.

I have slowly been weaning open the cage to release the birdies to fly, and if it's what the Lord has for me, I know He'll bring it back into my path. Mum always knows best =)

Me: an English Lesson

So I'm in an English class where we get to annihilate literature. literally pull it piece by piece, stanza by stanza, word by word. And I love it In doing this, there are certain patterns we see; such as metaphor, simile.

One of my favorites, is paradox. Simply, it is a truth that at first seems like a contradiction.

i.e. "Stone walls do not a prison make, nor iron bars a cage." In reality, these ingredients DO make the latter, but the author is talking about something deeper, how the prison of the mind is more suppressing than stone and iron at times.

With this, I have found a great number of paradoxes in my life. The colloquial, or slang, would probably describe me as a hot mess! :)

For realsies, I'll be-bop between reading Austen&Dr Seuss, my mind goes a million miles a minute, I sometimes unconsciously make faces while conversing with myself mentally, you get the picture.

I used to be, well almost bashful of my, well, um, er... eccentric nature. Most people seemed to have it all together, and so calm but I felt like, well like a spastic little being.

But, the beauty is, I'm learning to love me as Christ made me. Psalm 119 tells me that I am wonderfully and fearfully made, goofy faces and all! I feel like a dork talking about how God made me special, but it became so easy to second guess myself.

In the Prince of Egypt, my by-far favorite part is the song "Look through Heaven's Eyes", it's where Jethroh takes insecure Moses and talks about viewing himself through heaven's eyes.

The paradox is not in me. It is me.

That the little crazy girl has a beautiful purpose and making.

What are some paradoxes in your life? Are you a paradox?

Chivalry

So I kinda hate Twilight. Like a lot. No offense to those who read it, it's just not my thing.

I prefer old-fashioned classics. Like Pride&Prejudice. My heart swoons at the sight of Darcy. It loathed him for about the first hour and a half of the movie, but then fell in love. And the book, phew! Oh baby! Jane Austen had it going on.

I think I'm infatuated with the culture of Jane Austen - well to an extent, everything was so classy then. Ladies curtsied, men bowed, men opened the door for women. People danced with dignity. And oh! the language in which they spoke, absolutely intoxicating with beauty.

I love comparing Darcy to Christ, because i have to look for biblical allusion in everything I do. Thanks AP English! ;) But for reals, although I never wanted to punch Jesus in the face, I see similarities. Darcy quietly, but steadily pursued Elizabeth, persistent, but open to rejection. He didn't know if she would fall into his arms or spit in his face.

Christ does the same thing for each and every one of us. Ephesians 2:8-9 speaks of this grace that abounds anything humans know. Christ quietly pursues every human being (through many different ways, tailored to each individual.) But every being has a climatic, and rather defining point in their life to decide to reject or accept what is being offered. Christ is a gentleman, always at the ready, but never uncouth.

And I for one, can be quite like Elizabeth Bennet where in different instances I push Jesus away, but always come back running to his arms realizing my error. And He never brings it up, He's content with my being with Him.

On 9/11

I remember my mom coming into my room and taking me into her room.

My grammie (who lived in Maryland) had just called, I remember getting under the covers with my mom and watching the live footage of terrorism. The day was a blur for me. I was in the 3rd grade, I remember having a moment of silence, and watching it in class, while experiencing my first moment of silence.

It was the first time I saw terrorism, I also remember it as one of the first times I saw herorism. Firefighters, Police, Civilians. Americans saving Americans.

After time has slowly passed, I am hearing of a movement to burn Korans on 9/11 as "revenge." This is a cowardly, barbaric notion that is no better than what the terrorists did to us.

The best remedy is to never forget what happened. To continue to live out herorism such as civilians did on 9/11. To remain united. To keep fighting. This is what makes America strong.

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world bling." -Ghandi

Pastels

This year, I am in AP Studio Art. I'm not all that artsy. Seriously, if what I could produce half of what I see, it'd be fabulous. But I still love art, it relaxes me, and is one of my favorite outlets.

However there is one medium I hate. Pastels.

Seriously, my freshman year I used them and they were AWFUL. They smudge easily, which is nice to blend but is horrible for your clothes, and for the grimy fingerprints I got everywhere. For my perfectionist personality, it was quite frustrating.

Fast forward 3 years. I walk into the first day of AP Studio Art, the smell of fresh paint still lingered in the air, my familiar classroom and teacher greeted me.

Basic classroom instructions were given, and we were assigned our first art project.

Sketching apples.

With pastels.

Peachy. (No pun intended.) ;)

Pastels literally burst with color. Their chalky residue gets over everything.

BUT, the more I worked with pastels, the easier it became. The stark color contrasts became easier to blend and make a beautiful piece. The colors smoothly and tranquilly mesh and build upon themselves. But I have to be extremely careful I don't pick up residue and put it anywhere I don't want it.

Then I really began to see myself as the pastels. I have very different colors and contrasts in my life that are opposite, but when I give it time, God builds the different things in my life like colors of pastels, and then slowly begins to blend them into a beautiful crescendo.

When I mess up and over-blend or get my fingerprints as I try to rip the piece from his hands, He never rips me up.

He still gets the piece to look the way He wants it, but it takes more time.

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you." -Psalm 32:8

(Here's my pastel on 3 scallops shells up close =))

Sentimental

This is a "random" post I suppose, but I want to write about it.

Confession:I'm a sentimental sap.

No, for realsies. You probably don't believe me. But I ADORE memoirs, other people's, my own. It's fascinating to me.

I have a vintage suitcase that's stuffed to the brim with all the journals I've kept in my life. My ones from elementary school are pretty humorous I must admit. Maybe I'll post an entry one day. =)

It's so cool to see how my life has progressed. I have birthday cards from my 8th birthday (I only keep the really good ones), I have the letter my pen-pal in second grade wrote me. I have pressed flowers and old photographs.

When I go to a place, I usually am overwhelmed by the memories of it. I guess that's what I get for living in one city for my whole life. When I go to a certain starbucks, I remember a conversation over two grande black coffees about american history and future plans for personal lives. I remember a rainy morning when I parked horribly. I remember junior high days and one of my first frappucinos, I thought I was so cool. ;)

So on and so forth. I am swept by a turbulent wave of memories no matter where I go.

Sometimes they're very sweet, sometimes not so.

My favorite part of being a sentementalist sap is truly my journals .

I was reading over them and it's crazy to see how I've changed so much without changing at all. Call me crazy, I know but my perspective of lie and everything in it has been so broadened. But I still see so much the same, I see bible verses I wrote out in shaky twelve year old handwriting that are still super close to my heart. I see friends names written in my journal, who I don't talk to anymore, but are still vividly alive in my head.

I'm not trying to sound all deep or whatever, but it's something I dig. =)

Beauty

Often, when I think of beauty. I think of something complex.
Like Van Gough's starry night (my favorite painting.) Van Gough used oil paints in a painstaking process to layer paint on itself to create textur eand dimesion. (For non-artists, oil paint takes a LONG time to dry! Trust!)

Sometimes I hear really intricate stories of how someone asked someone out to a dance, proposals, elaborate birthday parties, etc.

I took art last year, and it really opened my eyes. I was taught how to break down "complex" items (say a face) and break it down into shapes I'm familiar with - oval, triangle, rectangle, and so on.

This process of breaking down taught me the beauty of simplicity.

Some of my favorites...
The beauty of a friend texting me telling me to have a good day.
The beauty of someone picking a single wildflower for me on a walk.
The beauty of a laugh.
The beauty of sunshine.
The beauty of rain.
The beauty of an apology.
The beauty of old books.
The beauty of love.
The beauty of grace.

Call me corny, (I know I am) but I LOVE it. And while I still love my Van Gough painting, I'm learning to embrace simplicity.

What are the simple things YOU adore?

Application

Application. August. Alliteration.

Wisdom vs. Knowledge. Although these two often coincide, I've learned there is a stark difference between the two.

Knowledge is factual information.

Wisdom is the application of these facts.

This past month, has honestly not been the best. There have been many aspects to this shroud, and without delving into said aspects, I wish to explain and to show the effect.

I've never liked August, I don't like the heat of August, school quietly approaching, plants wilting.

This August has called for application. Which is a lot less fun than it sounds.

I guess you can say I have knowledge. I've always had a knack for memorizing things, facts pop easily into memory.

But wisdom is a is a different matter. This month I discovered the wonderful sensation of applying facts to my life.

A huge part of this is being still.

A man staring into a pool with a ripple will see nothing, but if he waits, the pool will still and he will see himself.

If you don't know me, I'm kinda a guru of multi-tasking, I clean my room while talking on the phone, or listening to a bible study. I paint my nails while watching a movie. At school, I take hard classes.

I feel if I am still, I waste time.

The Lord has been showing me radically otherwise. I am literally forced to wait on him and see what he has. Paul had a smiliar (but much holier) realization of this.

II Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Shakespeare

While most girls read Twilight at 13, I read Shakespeare.

Okay, it's a half truth. I read one when I was 13. And I read it because I saw 'She's the Man.' The 21st century take on Twelfth Night complete with the one and only Amanda Bynes.

But that experience led into a domino affect into Shakespeare, I have read all of his works, but a handful. I have gleaned some of his quotes and writings, which has helped me in literature classes, as well as on Jeopardy! =)

One that has been close to me for a while is quoted by Brutus while deliberating about the murder of Caesar,

"Not that I love Caesar less, but that I love Rome more."

Not only is this an immaculate representation of antithesis, but it speaks about things God takes away from me.

Not that I love these things less, but that I love the will of God more.

Mulan

Mulan came out when I was in Kindergarten, and I thought she was the bee's knees.

Dude, come on a pretty girl by day, a ninja warrior by night? Super cool.

One of the best quotes from the movie is said by the emporer,

"A single grain of rice can tip the scale. One man may be the difference."

Yesterday at church, my Senior Pastor made a point saying if Paul, if Moses, if Esther, is Ruth, if Christ didn't do what they were called to do, where would the world be?

Paul may have never spread Christianity to Europe or Asia.
Moses may have left Israelites in Egypt.
Esther may have let people be killed.
Ruth wouldn't have married Boaz whose geneology includes King David.
Jesus would have left the world in sin.

What is God calling me to do in life?
How do I do it?

I am challenging myself to do whatever Christ has called me no matter what.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not holy.
But I am willing.

That's what I got from Mulan. =)

Proverbial Puke

To those of you...to any of you who read my blog.

First off, thank you for taking time out of your life to read this.
Secondly, you may remember I recently mentioned James has been really my book of the Summer.

Tonight, Bianca Juarez finished her 6 week study of 'The Scandalous Message of James.'

I was estactic to go to the series, first because I look up to Bianca through podcasts and teachings and her blog so much. She always makes me want to keep running for Jesus, and I imitate her as she imitates Christ.

Second, because I love bible studies, and this was my first "grown-up" bible study- if you will.

I soon learned I was to have my booty kicked. Like a serious whooping from this book.

Even though I've only listened to 3 weeks, (the other weeks I've been away-but I downloaded them, and will listen to them!) I have been radically challenged.

Tonight the resounding theme of patience and testing throughout James 5 struck me.
He speaks of farmers waiting for their crops to plant (ironic, see the post below), and verse 8 speaks of ESTABLISHING YOUR HEART. Another translation says "take courage."

C.S. Lewis said "Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at its turning point."

How am I to apply this to my life?
The opposite of courage is not fear, it is indifference.

I must be courageous, and do things I would normally not. In this,
I must stop apathy.

I was talking to a friend recently about how I am different at church than at home.

At church, I'm bubbly and loud, and outgoing. And at home, I'm usually most of these things, but I can be moody, tempestuous, and downright vile.

Footnote: I have not had a "bad" upbringing. My parents are still married. My dad has a job. My life is pretty overall "good." I am truly a blessed lady.

But everyone still has problems. I still deal with battles with the scale, with sarcasm out of my mouth, pride, etc.

What a wretched woman I am! I do the things I wish not to do. The things I wish to do, I don't do!

James annialated me tonight, it was truly standing before a mirror. Suddenly, I couldn't bear my reflection of my facade any longer. I went running back to Jesus Christ, where He reminded me of His love.

I felt ashamed, exposed, naked as I recorded this in my journal and to my blog. Bianca had a great point. She said "When our Savior was on the cross. He had a loin cloth. Think of how exposed he was."

Christ was literally exposed. I am figuratively exposed. But I just tooky a tiny step of courage.

As James 5:16 says, "Confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed."


If you have confessions, leave them here and I will pray. Pinky promise!

Thank you, that's all my proverbial puke for now. =)

PS Check out Bianca's Blog... http://blog.inthenameoflove.org/


PSS I love quotes, and here's a good one of St Augustine! "The confession of evil works is the first beginning of good works."

On Being a Fake Mexican

I consider myself to be Hispanic...
But I am a horrible Mexican.

I hate salsa.
I hate ranchero music.
I have never taken a Spanish class in my life.

Yet I still talk in Spanglish that I've picked up.
I still listen to some popular Spanish music.
I love Chicano fiction.

As a true nerd, I still have several of my favorite children's books.

One of my favorite growing up was Esperanza Rising by Pam Munoz Ryan.
The story is of a wealthy farmer's daughter, Esperanza, who is spoiled and is forced through situations in her life to come to America and become a manual laborer.

Esperanza's father passes away, but before he does he pulled her out to his field. Esperanza's urging for the un-ripened fruit led her father to tell her the theme of the book,

"Augántate tantito y la fruta caerá en tu mano."

Wait a little while and the fruit will fall into your hand.

I am HORRIBLE with patience.

Many times, I don't understand why things are the way they are.

Currently, I am at a crossroads of life decisions seeking direction, and figuratively awaiting my fruit.

The bible tenderly reminds me about God that "He has made everything beautiful in its time" Ecclesiastes 3:11

And for now, I must wait.

Epic Failure

No matter how holy I attempt to be, it seems I always fail.
And not just any type of fail, but rather...

An Epic Fail.

One of my biggest downfalls is trust. I am very good at keeping little secrets to myself. I have spent years and years perfecting the art of faking the funk. The idea was to fake the funk so someone would not take advantage of my pain, and use it against me.

An opposite reaction occured, I began to kill myself with becoming literally emotionally constipated.

This year has been stretching for me in this aspect. I have become more open. I have had to make myself cry too people, to open to people. And to my suprise, they never hurt me.

I became so fixated on what people could potentially do, I cowered in fear for years.

I am a work in progress-but as a shy little flower, I am learning to open. draft 9:22:00 AM by manda panda Delete
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James

The book of James.

If this book were a fitness guru, it would be Jillian Michaels.

The book is little, like Jillian.
So you think you're safe, and they can't do damage.

For those of you who have ever seen the Biggest Loser, you know this mentality is wrong.

James is like a spiritual marathon, it takes you through so many aspects in life.

For me, James has been my book of the Summer.
Not intentionally, it just so happened.

I began reading James in June for personal devotions.
In July I began to go to a bible study through James.
The college and career group at my church, Revive ,
began to read through it as a group in addition to our devo's.

I don't know why this has come up so much, I am trusting in the Lord to show me something radical through this book.

The end. =)

love

Love is a word that is flung around.

I LOVE carrot cake.
I LOVE my dog.
I LOVE sunflowers.
I LOVE my mom.

But all of these loves do not equate.

I am learning about love. Yes, about the love within human dynamics, but more importantly the unsurpassable love God has for humanity.

This love is a love that has no bounds.

In a world today where love is based merely off of feelings, this is a hard concept to twist our noggins around.

Love is always being patient, kind, gentle, and contentess is found merely in the presence of the other.

I love the way Phil Danyew puts it,
"I saw a Love, deeper than the Pacific,I saw a Love, burning brighter than a million stars,In a single line,You make alive"

I want my Jesus to flourish within me, so I may pollenate this love to the world.

Utterly Confuzzled

Confuzzled: To be confused and puzzled. Amanda's edition to Webster's Dictionary 2010.

This is the way I feel when I think of dove beauty products.

As an ex-hair straightener junkie, I've learned to embrace my natural curly locks, and rock them (if I say so myself.) I've become a part of the "all natural" movement, where little make-up is worn and natural beauty, as well as inner beautyis true beatuy.

I love the Dove Natural Beauty Campaign, don't get me wrong. I adore seeing all these little girls who are learning to learn their own frizzy hair, the gap in their teeth, and their freckles.

I adore the evolution video of how an "average" looking woman is transformed into a rockstar babe. SEE HERE: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYhCn0jf46U

But as I sit on the couch lavishing in little girls learning to dig their unique features, one of Dove's chocolate commericals come on. A sultry woman seductively posed in silk eating as "Your moment, your Dove' was narrated to me. Intasntly, the whole sensation I was enthralled by 15 seconds before is crashed. Crashed and burned. Crashed and burned to the ground.

Because the two messages clash as vividely as night to day. And it's devastating.

What's more devastating is when this happens with our actions. I'm an epic fail in this too.

For example, the Jews who loved God used to walk 5 miles around Samaria to avoid going through it. Their actions and sayings clashed.

Jesus sat with the Samaritan woman. We too, should commit to what we say and act it out.

Don't be like Dove.

Free Venti Experience circa 2008

A 2008 post from Myspace for the blogspot archive, because I'm a dork =) Enjoy.


Free Venti Experience

So tonight, I went to the local Starbucks and ordered a tall regular coffee. The barista guy said he had to brew a fresh pot, and told me i didn'thave to pay until it was brewed.

Five minutes went by. Then ten. I figured he had forgotten, and was fine with it. I really didn't need a black coffee at nine at night anyways.

Just as I was about to leave, the cash register worker came over to me and said "Oh, hey you still wanted you tall coffee right? "I said "Sure. No problem."

I go up to pay and grab my coffee, and he doesn't have me pay first off, but then he gives me a Venti size for the wait with an apology.

I wished him a happy Thanksgiving, and left.

Through this, God showed me this verse about my husband-to-be.
"But, as it is written,
";What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined,what God has prepared for those who love him"-1 Corinthians 2:9.

That if I wait for my husband, I can order a tall for $2.10 but I get a free Venti.

=))

How good is our Lord?

To blog, or not to blog.

I am trying to fall into the routine of blogging more often. Not to make my blog another check off on my list, but rather attaining a personal accomplishment.

I was cleaning out my closet today and I began pulling out all the junk I didn't use anymore. Yup, junk. A lot of it was still super cute, and it still looked decent.

Why did I decide to throw it out? Because it absorbed to much space. I'm trying to break down into the fact that I'm still in a little room, and will have to part with mroe of my beloved stuff by next summer when college beckons. To be the Disney junkie I am, I'm getting down to the "bare necessities." Well not really, just kinda organizing, but it fit you know? ;)

I left a lot of clothes, but today I parted with a lot of the sentimental. Some sandals I got in Brazil, but never wore because they turned my feet burgandy. Some boots I scored at the thrift store and wore to my first high school dance (sadie hawkins.) etc.

Why? So I could become a more functional person.

Now to apply.

Does God ever pull "junk" -cute junk, but junk nevertheless- out of my heart? Does it always feel hunky-dory, or do I have to part with the sentimental and good memories?

But in the end, like I am now. I am left with a clean, organized closet with a lot more space for some more thrift store finds.
=)

A.mer.i.ca

Yes, I fully acknowledge the fact that this blog is a day late.


But then again, who's counting? ;)

America.

The one place you can be from and go anywhere else in the world and suddenly be a rockstar. No joke. If I want to talk to someone about Jesus, I can say I'm an American, and BOOM 96% of people flock to it like a bee to honey.

Why?

The other night I went to my local community's city fair. There was a group of old cronies playing 'Sweet Home Alabama' in shirts that looked like they'd been stitched by Besty Ross. I was walking around the park I went to my 6th grade graduation picnic was held, looking at families playing soccer, watching the Ferris Wheel going round and round as the cool Summer zephyr caressed my hair. The thought going through my head was...

'This is America.'

Well duh. I've only lived here my entire life.

But in all seriousness, when I really thought about the fact that I've had the blessing to travel. I've been to 4 continents, and have also driven from Maryland to California.

Even though I love some of the other countries I've been to, I always feel anticipation as I land in the foreign place. I don't know their laws. I have to go to an embassy to be treated by the laws I'm familiar with. I may (and usually do) have an accent.

This is not the same with America. Finding an American in a foreign country is like finding a brother. We can live thousands of miles away, yet we pledge to the same flag, we both know people in the service, we have the same history, we know Schoolhouse Rock. It's a beautiful thing.

I have the genetic make-up of Irish, German, English, and Mexican.

I do not have the DNA for an American.

No one does.

The beauty, the fascination, the obsession with America is choice.

The choice to
-serve in the military or be a pacifist.
-be Christian or an Atheist.
-live in desert or in the tundra.
-to be black or white (or like Michael Jackson-both.)
-etc.

I am not told what to wear, eat, drive, or think. Quite the juxtaposition. I am encouraged to think, to believe, to strive, to dream.

That is why I love my country.

Mercy

Remember the game in elementary school "mercy" where you'd squeeze another kids hand until both your knuckles were white, and then the loser would be the one who excalimed "mercy."

Unlike this cruel childhood game, I was jazzed to find more proof that my God doesn't torture us for mercy until we exclaim.

'Mercy triumphs over judgement.' -James 2:13

Mercy always wins over judgement. Now this is in the context for the person who has committed Jesus to be their Lord and Savior. I thought it was pretty rad because if you're like me.

Now, I know what you're thinking... I thought it too.

"Does that mean that I can sin and get away with it on the promise that God will forgive me later?"

Sorry Charlie, but the answer is a stark NO. Not only does that ideology cheapen God's grace, but Paul actually writes against it.

"Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a coverup for evil, but living as servants of God."

Bottom Line: We're still sinners, God will still forgive us, we don't abuse His forgiveness, and Mercy wins.

Toodles.

7 Deadly Sins

Greed, Lust, Envy, Sloth, Wrath, Gluttony & Pride.

These are a few of my favorite things. NOT.

The 7 Deadly Sins have been coming up in my life more & more frequently. I did my 1st Semester art final on them, they popped up in America's Next Top Model, and I've recently listened to a study about them. I think God's trying to flag my attention. ;)

These 7 Deadly Sins are not based on a specific scripture, but all fall within biblical living. I fell in love with the series from Calvary Chapel Montebello by Bianca Juarez, it's stinking awesome. It is, in a word-edifying.

The one that caught my attention was Pride. When I put it on, I though 'Oh this will be a nice study, I don't have a problem with pride.' [Red flag #1] Instead of going through the more 'stereotypical' pride of Satan's fall, we learned about Samson. This man was consecrated by God, and thought he was untouchable. In the end he died blind, a slave, in mockery, but the Lord still loved him.

I began to apply this in my life. I am a perfectionist [red flag #2], I don't know if it's 'Oldest Child Syndrome' where I am expected to be the "model" and the "leader." Or if it's self-inflicted neuroticism. In my schooling, I strove for perfect grades, which isn't a bad thing, but my head slowly began to get bigger as I gained more knowledge [red flag #3.] I noticed I began to notice I was ALWAYS right (which half the time I wasn't) [red flag #4.]

One day Jimminy Cricket told me "Hey Amanda, you've got a pride problem!" No duh.

The 7 Deadly Sin I struggle with the most is pride. I'm learning to fight it and give it to the Lord. What's yours?

Words

"Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth." - 1 John 3:18

This verse has caused me some serious conviction throughout the years. It's easy to say something sugar-coated and so sweet you think Willy Wonka made it, but to have your heart gnarled and twisted as can be.

I've come up with a little mantra for myself... Ahem...
"Words speak, actions resound." Not exactly Shakespeare, but it will do for me. =)

This was made clear to me today after not hearing from a certain friend for a while, the friend took iniative to make my day a little brighter, to clear up some abiguity, to communicate in the long run for the better.

Even though no words were spoken directly to me, my friend's actions resounded much more than their words to me could have.

This week (for starters), I'm really going to try to love people. To smile, to hold open a door, to act loving, and not just say it.

Here it goes!

Dating

Yes, this is a paradoxal post coming from the girl whose never had a boyfriend, but God uses the foolish things of the world, right? Right! =)

I want to record some quotes (paraphrased) on the matter I've heard over the years. Some are funny, some are serious, all are true. (Change the pronouns as to fit your gender.)

For a girl: "If he doesn't love Jesus, and he doesn't have a J-O-B, don't date him!" - Bianca Juarez

"I don't smoke, drink, swear, or chew, so don't date any boys who do." - Shadrach Means

"The best form of birth control is aspirin. Put an aspirin in between your legs, close your legs, and don't let the aspirin hit the floor." - Mr. Holt

"He's doesn't love Jesus, but he's SO hot!" "So is hell. Run!" - Bianca Juarez

"If someone says 'I can't live without you', Run, the only person you can't live without is Jesus. " -Jack Hibbs

I've found these funny, helpful, and I hope you do as well. Toodles.

An Ode to Cross Country

Two Summers ago, I began running. Tentatively to the day, ergo I thought a shoutout to this beloved beast is in order.

My freshman year P.E. class brought a wave of sheer terror after being homeschooled for two years. Running the mile, I was the nerdy kid with the glasses, braces, book in hand, and naturally inhaler. And I milked it.

But my beloved teacher, Mrs. O, would not let that slide. To pass, I HAD to run. Breathe, breathe, sweat, wheeze, side cramp and repeat.

But I found another freshman whom I love dearly, Ami-Ray, she stuck it out with me, and though we were never "great" runners, we were easily able to run the full mile by second semester without stopping. We cut down our times a lot, and though we didn't go out for track, we passes freshman P.E. with flying colors. I eventually outgrew my asthma. =)

In order to not go through that horrible séance of torture, I began running in the summer. Initially it was a mile a day, then I pushed for three miles a day, I wound up running 4 miles a day 5-6 times a week. I have kept it up (sometimes more dilligently, sometimes less dilligently) for the past 2 years. I can honestly say a week has not gone by where I did not run.

In all honesty, I'm not a great runner. Most of the time, I DON'T enjoy it (hence the endearment beloved beast.) It pushes me, it stretches me, but afterwards, I am so jazzed I finished. I actually did CC training camp last summer, and am contemplating doing it this year. If you drive by, I am the caboose:slowly making my way behind all the other girls. Though it may take me longer, I get there. I finish the race.

I've said before, I draw a lot of parallels between my day-to-day life and my walk with Jesus. This is no exception.

“Run with endurance the race that God has set before you” Hebrews 12:11.

Every single one of us has a different race, a different pace, a different struggle. My struggle in running is speed. For other girls, they have speed but no endurance. In the same fashion, my struggle with Christianity is different than yours.

The coolest thing about CC was we all had different routes, there was "short route" for new kids, "middle route" for varsity girls and average guys, and "long route" for varsity guys. Every route went a place different, some were harder, some were more grueling, but after all that, we wound back at school together as a team.

God's race for every individual takes us crazy different places, but we all wind up in the same place as a team.

So grab those running shoes, and experience what I'm talking about on this beautiful day for yourself. =)

"Cliche"

I tried for a long time to avoid cliches in my writing, my life, the way I speak.

Then, it made sense. Yes although cliches are "cliche," they speak an ammount of truth. I don't try to use them superfluously, but in moderation.

I bring this up, because this post may seem "cliche" to some. To other it may seem "hyper-spiritual," my main aspirations it to keep it real, to speak the truth with love.

Today, I was talking to a person I look up to. He's my teacher, but we have an easy relationship, and I can address him as a peer, I was telling him I found my style this year.

For starters, this school year has been intense, insane, challenging, breaking, enlightening, etc. I have learned so much, have lost friends, have gained friends, have received new privileges, have been given new resbonsibilities so on and so forth. In short, it was a season of new.

This year I gained something. I really "found myself" this year. No, I didn't purchase a corvette, no I didn't go on a world-wide rendevous, no I didn't get married on a whim. But rather, throughout the"new," I found my style.

I found my style in writing for English. I found my style in painting for art. I have become an even better thrift shopper. I have really let go of pretensions, and allowed myself to become me.

Even better than the writing, the painting, and the shopping was I really found my identity.

And I found it in Christ.

"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." - Ephesians 2:10

I'm a total nerd and ldig this, the word for workmanship is "ποίημα" (poiēma), which literally translates into "poem".


God uses us for good works. He uses the haikus, the epics, and everything in between.

Throughout the year, he has worked me into a poem for him, and in that identity I am satisfied.

Words of a Procrastinator

I take pride in being an AP student. I consider it Advanced Procrastination, not Advanced Placement. It's an ability to complete work in a shorter jam than most people. Not always the best idea, but it gets done. This year has been survival mode: it's been one textbook, one novel, one paper, one page at a time.

As a closing assignment to my year, my English teacher assigned us an essay about what we want to do with our lives career-wise. Included are identifying careers, describing it/them, and listing requirements to attain said career(s).

In my household, college has never been "if", it's always been "where." Now suddenly, within a blink of an eye, it will be here. I feel like the Pampers motto should be playing in the background innocently saying "I'm a big kid now!" The stress is beginning to take a little tighter hold of me, as I deliberate between what I want to do. Sometimes I just want to major in English, sometimes I want to major in Biology, other times I want something totally random, such as Musical Theory, or Shakespeare. What do I do? Where do I go?

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path straight."

As a "calvary chapel kid" this verse has unfortunately become almost cliche. Before you throw the rocks in your hands, let me say that the verse is starting to click in my puny little brain. It took leading the song as a Children's Ministry worship leader to make me get it. For years, it would rattle off my tonuge, another mantra in Christianese, but now, after meditation, I am realizing what an amazing and fulfilling promise this is.

Yes, I have an aspiration to be a PA (Physician's Assistant). I'd love to take it to the mission field, and heal people physcially as well as spiritually. But if the Lord so chooses to have me be a Shakespeare major, so be it. He will direct my course. If He so chooses for me to study Biology, so be it. He will direct my couse. If He so chooses for me to play piano at Disneyland for the rest of my life, so be it. He will direct my course.

I've seen many Christians love the Lord, but not follow Him in and trust Him in their career lives, and I've seen them become less joyful because of it. With everything I do, I'm trusting the Lord (or attempting to do so.) I'm a MAJOR work-in-progress. But one thing this year at school taught me was one thing at a time. One devotion at a time, one prayer at a time...

And He WILL direct my path.

Ambassadors

The other day I went on a run, a normal run I go on a few times a week throughout my city, and this run I happened to see a political table on a campaign I agree with. 3 miles into my run, a little sweaty, and pretty young, the ladies behind said table were talking to other voters, but neither shot me a smile, or a glance. When I grabbed a flier and mentioned I was interested, the lady shot me a look as to say "Okay, continue on, you're sweaty." But gave me a nod and I was off.

Within the 30 seconds of attention, or rather lack thereof, I had been absolutley turned off. Yes, I still agreed with the platform, but had I been a tentative voter, I would have ran to the other side.

The following verse flashed into my mind, "We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making His appeal through us" - 2 Corinthians 5:20

Proverbially, these women were ambassadors to their political embassy, and within 30 seconds, their attitudes dashed a young voter.

We ARE Christ's ambassadors, how many times do people only see a snippet of our 30 second witness and are completely swayed away from Christ's platform of justice, grace, and love? I am a totally guilty of this, and although we will never attain perfection on earth, it gives us a goal to strive for. A goal to love, to allow people to look at a snapshot of my life, and to see the love of Jesus resounding through it.

Oh me, Oh my

Wednesday Night. It hit me like a ton of bricks... You know when the pastor says something, and you can almost feel the spanking, and it suddenly gets a little toasty?

Conviction...

The much needed, but not-so-much-fun to get aspect of Christianity. The quote de jour that proverbally spanked me was from Charles Surgeon, "When we worry, we put faith in the Devil."

BOOM! Did you feel it?

For those of you who may not know me, or may not know me very well, I'm a control freak. I like consistency, I like to know point A, point B, and point C. As a younger chilld, I used to get myself worked up in a "what if..." frenzies, on a few occasions crying about fictitious events that may or may not happen. I've been told I'm a bit of a perfectionist (up for debate). You get the gist.

Present Day: Take an overachieving girl, 3 AP classes, Children's Ministry, and everyday life, and you pretty much inately receive stress. The knots currently in my back will attest to this.
Hearing my pastor say that into my ears, and hearing God Almighty say that to my heart really spoke to me.

Yes I worry, sometimes about incessent and ludicrous things. I stress about so many stupid minute details and try to figure out the Lord's will for me. So many times, I try to pull a Gideon. There have been times where I wish I could shake my bible like a magic 8 ball for the Divine Answer.

Rapture Ruckus, a really legit New Zealand band came to the college&career group last Sunday, before this quote was spoken. One of their songs spoke magnitude to me, the chorus was just talking about "hanging on" hanging on to the promises the Lord gives us.
I am now running after Jesus, giving Him my burdens of worry and stress, while clinging to the promises.

Sometimes it would be nice to see what the Lord has for me, but what I truly believe He wants from me is to take it day by day. To cling to the verses He has showed me, to delight in the blessings, to walk in plans (even if it's not my plan), and to Delight myself in Him, above all else.

Just a Taste...

I created this blog to recrod, share, and create conversation about my thought, things the Lord is showing me, and things happening in real life. In the event that someone aside from my mom reads this, I thought it might be good you know a little about me.

- My mom is my best friend.

-I eat peanut butter out of the jar.

-I like saying I run 4x more than actually running.

-Sunflowers are the best ever. Unrivaled.

-I'm a total nerd.

-Eating organic=kosher.

-I want to marry someone who will always play the liscence plate game with me.

-Lighting is the coolest thing ever.

-I can't function properly without carmax, water, and a book in my purse.

-I wear flip-flops at least 10 months of the year, sometimes even when it rains.

-I'm 5'3", but with my hair I can probably squeeze 5'4" or 5'5".

-Pineapples should always be in season.

-Trucks and Jeep are the coolest ever.

-'Autumn' sounds 3x prettier than 'Fall', and is the best season.

-I drink black coffee.

-I'm bad at it, but I like to paint.

-I blare music usually with the windows down, and love car dancing.

-I am utterly sinful, and messed up. But Christ loves me, and His grace keeps me going.

Why?

This week a girl from my rival school passed away. She was highly allergic to peanuts, after prom she went to a party and consumed something with peanut oil. Unknowingly she had caused the catalyst to her death. She was a junior. My grade. Although I never met her, many of my friends knew her, and through the grapevine, I am affected.

A friend asked me, "Why does God allow this to happen?" This is a question I'm familiar with. Yes in my life, but also many people asking me. Many a times I've received "How can you believe in a God who allows..." "If God is loving, why does he allow..." and so on, and so forth.
A beloved Psalm came to my head while musing about how to respond to her text, Psalm 115:1-3 (ESV)

"Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to your name give glory,
for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness!
Why should the nations say,
"Where is their God?"
Our God is in the heavens;
he does all that he pleases."
Why did God take the 17 year old girl? Why did God allow one of my best friend's mother to be taken while he was a young boy? Why did God allow a family's father to die? Why does God allow children to have cancer?

I don't know... But I know that my God, our God is in Heaven, and He does all he pleases. And throughout the chaos, and the pain, he uses all things to glorfiy His name of steadfast love.

And for me, that is enough to trust Him.

As the Rising Sun

After seeing a few great blogs, I have decided to launch myself into the stratosphere of le blog. Another inspiration is C.S. Lewis, whose quote gave me the name of this blog. His literature has not only expanded my imagination, it has radically challenged my faith. The title of the blog comes from a quote I love dearly.

"I believe in Christianity as I believe in the rising sun. Not because I see it, but by it I see everything." It speaks magnitudes.

Like all things that are seemingly simple, they often have deeper magnitude. My English teacher talks about many things we see/hear/experience as a bowl of soup. The broth rises to the top, but the real nutrition, the chunks of chicken, the noodles, the veggies (yum!) sink to the bottom. We tend to skim "the soup" in our lives. We don't take the time or the effort to get to the bottom and eat up the deliciousness lying there waiting.

One of my favorite bible verses is Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."

The Lord gave me this bible verse when I was a young freshman. It is specifically for one aspect of my life, but at the same time has become a very treasured verse, so much so, it's painted on my closest door.

I used to see it as "Sweet! The Lord cares about me, He'll give me the desires of my heart!"
(By all means, I don't believe in 'name it and claim it', I saw it as the Lord would give me things that I wanted if they were in His will.) This aspect is true, but I was missing such a vital part of this verse that I recently stumbled on.

When I am delighting myself in the Lord, when I am completely satisfied in His prescence (Psalm 16:11), I will find the desires of my heart are for the Lord, and for what He wills. It is a beautiful symbiotic relationship between the Lord and myself in which I am blessed, and in which I can bless my Savior.